Horsecock 7 - GrandmasterJ

  


    They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Look at the above picture. If the link isn't broken then you know what kind of map this is.

SCMapDB page

Authors: Keen

Date of release: 2008

Maps in package: 1

Map review of Horsecock 7

(originally posted on SCMapDB)

by GrandmasterJ | May 2, 2026 | 3823 characters

    We'll start out by addressing the elephant in the room, this map is centered around a giant penis that jacks players off into what I will describe as the realm of the toilets. There is a horse sound when this happens but nothing else to really suggest this penis belongs to a horse. You'd think such a map would be wacky and fun but the respawning enemies, especially the snipers, make it a chore to actually play.

    Near spawn there is an indent in the wall where players can float up, my teammate and I do so right as the map starts and we get to a ledge where we are sniped to death. At some point around here, either by some trigger we hit or the map just has a timer, enemies start respawning in heavily, including very annoying snipers in hard to see and reach areas. I think the indent in the wall that we float up might extend as well because I am never able to get back to any ledge from that again.

    I try running into a hallway on the other side of the map where I run into invisible water and try swimming around. I slowly float up only to be unable to jump out and into the land of the toilets. When we actually fly through the big penis, which is the most enjoyable part of the map at least, we see a worrying landscape of hard ledges, brown water, and floating toilets along with some teleporters. The teleporters all teleport players to the same spot, the penis, so if you don't want to go there don't use any teleporters. Landing on the hard ledge isn't that big of a deal since player fall damage is capped to 10, but then you are in clear view of snipers. Players swimming in the brown water run the risk of not being able to get out, then having to navigate a 3D maze with invisible water.

    I think I could learn to live with the respawning enemies, players are given a huge arsenal to deal with threats and I can snipe them to get us some breathing room. But the water maze that seems to be the main feature of the map just sucks to navigate. Swimming is slow and I'm prone to drowning. It is a maze and there are lots of twists and turns, I think the hallway I previously mentioned with the invisible water is an outlet for players who get flushed through this maze. I do think I reached the end of the maze but it just says 'Burn out' in big blocky letters and the map keeps going.

    After a certain point I cheated and noclipped around, there are a lot of secret areas but even though they have goodies they also have respawning enemies. Also the goodies are in spawn too, so I really don't see a reason to seek these places out.

    The map looks like crap. It definitely has a unique look and I will always prefer this than something bland and Half-Lifey, but it's still random textures stretched out over big blocky brushwork.

    I think there are a lot of elements here that could be fun, but never realizes full potential. The respawning snipers are a wet blanket on the whole map, which is mostly trying to navigate a painful underwater 3D maze. There aren't really any rewards for doing anything and besides the big penis in the middle the map isn't interesting to interact with. It's just disappointing.

Pros:

  • the big penis that shoots players out is well done
  • the map looks interesting at least
  • big arsenal with plenty of armor
  • fall damage capped to 10 really helps

Cons:

  • the respawning enemies, especially the snipers, brought the experience down
  • the 3D water maze that is invisible from the sides was not a fun feature
  • the map is hard to navigate in general
  • this is pretty ugly
  • aimless, even finding the secrets doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything

Score: 4 / 10

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