Horsecock 7 - Dunkelschwamm

   


    They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Look at the above picture. If the link isn't broken then you know what kind of map this is.

SCMapDB page

Authors: Keen

Date of release: 2008

Maps in package: 1

Map review of Horsecock 7

(originally posted on SCMapDB)

by dunkelschwamm | May 2, 2026 | 2721 characters

    Horsecock 7 is a nonsensical toy map where the toy is an enormous horse cock that you are ejaculated from and then try to land in one of many floating toilets while monsters and assassins in the enormously tall surrounding walls take pot shots at you. You simply line yourself up in base of the cock's urethra, shoot an adjacent brush (as instructed in the MOTD, which otherwise would have been impossible to independently discover. Why not just a button?), and then with the sound of a horse whinnying you are launched high into the air with a jet of white mist.

    In this map, you are the horse spunk.

    This map is good for a laugh from sheer shock humor to absurdist levels. Aside from that, it's a psychedelic mix of Xen textures stretched over bizarre brushwork. The wonky brushwork on the horsecock and the hand that grip it, as well as the toilets, give them all personality. Everything else around it is puke ugly, though. I don't know if I can mark that against the map, given that it kind of adds to the overall feeling that this map is an artifact that was not created by a person but grew out of the corners where the universe lines up crooked like cosmic weeds.

    The map also has no end and times out at 420 minutes. Nice.

    I think the main issue with the map is that respawning enemies occupy the tall walls and fire on the player without offering any satisfying way to pay them back. They are in hard-to-reach areas where they are mostly obscured by a transparent texture that I have trouble seeing through, but they have no issues. It's hard to enjoy the absurdity of the map or explore its wacky secrets when dealing with the mundane frustration of an unseen sniper plinking off tens of HP from a five hundred yards away. I'm just trying to find out if landing in any of the toilets give a different result!

    What do toilets have to do with horsecocks anyway? Does this map imply horses ejaculate into toilets?

    Overall, if you want to have an absurd chuckle I can recommend this map for a brief aside. I think that if not for the frustrating enemies, it mostly accomplishes its goal of being a weird player launcher with shock humor painted over it. It does not stay entertaining for long, though, and there really isn't a deeper end of it to discover in its few secrets.

Pros:

  • Lives up to its name
  • The horsecock mechanics work
  • Some creative brushwork especially in the hand

Cons:

  • Lives up to its name
  • Unintuitive
  • Mostly ugly
  • Annoying enemies turn my smiles upside down

Score: 3.9 / 10

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